To my friend Moumita

In the evening when you messaged me that you were unable to continue the friendship between us, I was neither shocked, nor surprised. Because, I always keep myself ready to embrace traumatic return from my friends. Because I know love and pain are two sides of the same coin. Because I know whom I will give much, s/he will give back to me that much, sometimes in the way I gave, sometimes in a quite diametrically opposite way. I don’t expect any ‘good’ return from my friends, but I am always prepared to receive ‘trauma of friendship’.

In my early age, I heard a song ‘Ektai kotha achhe Banglate, mukh r buk bole eksathe, se holo bondhu’ (There is a word in Bengali, which comes simultaneously from heart and mouth, and that is ‘friend’). I don’t know whether this Bengali song is fit in this 21st century’s modern universe, but I still believe in it. I love my friends. I care for all of them. The result is mixed: some of them have become world’s best friends; some of them have shown they were not appropriate for friendship. But all they are my friends.

As friendship has a special meaning for me, it encompasses all my friends – so-called and real. But the problem is that I cannot explain this meaning of friendship. It is a heartfelt perception of friendship, which only my friends can understand; it is not expressible in words. Simply speaking, it is more than any bloodline relationship. There are many families where brothers and sisters don’t have good terms with one another, sometimes they even conspire against other. But they cannot deny their relationship, because of blood. Similarly, friendship cannot be denied, because of ‘the friendship’.

There may be ‘good’ friends, ‘bad’ friends, but that does not make a friend foe. ‘Bad’ friends are just ‘not good’ friends.

When this is about depth of friendship, my conception about the nature of friendship is also outdated. For me, friendship is an in-depth relationship combining trust, support, communication, loyalty, understanding, empathy, and intimacy. Being able to trust and relax with a friend is a big part of friendship.

As my idea about friendship is like this, when I call someone my friend, s/he becomes very special to me.

Of course, I understand ‘friend’ and ‘girlfriend’ are different. I know all the tips how to date a ‘girl’ whom I want to make my ‘girlfriend’. I know how to deal with an ‘already girlfriend’. Some of the very common tips which I offer to my friends - who are in a fix how to approach their ‘dream girls’ - are like below:

1. Go slowly. Don’t hurry to express your feelings. Your desperation may dump the whole plan.
2. Don’t call more than once a day at the initial stage. Your repeated calls or sms signifies your impassioned attraction for her/his and it may result in negativity.
3. Don’t be too available. Being available every time s/he calls, or responding to each whimsical call means you have enough time to spare, and you are both workless and worthless.
4. Don’t give much information about you just in first stage. Make yourself mysterious and attractive.
5. Don’t try to learn much about his/her personal things. Then s/he will understand your motive, before s/he understands you and your ‘self’.

And etc etc.

But neither of these tips is applicable for friendship. There is no place of courtesy, mystery in friendship. There is no place for hiding, hoax or humiliation in friendship. Your friend is another ‘self’ of you existent in another body. If you stand before a perfect mirror, it will show how you are really; if you are a perfect friend, you friend will get his/her reflection in you.

Moumita, I took you as my friend. I wanted to know what you are really. I wanted to let you know my ‘self’ also. But everything went in a way, which you did not like.

But it is alright. The decision taken by a genius and intelligent girl like you can not be wrong. I will not go even to analyse your decision that why you took such a decision, where my fault was or where you were more righteous than me. I just request you, please don’t misunderstand and mis-explain my communication. Please don’t chastise our 28 hours exiting friendship!

I am sorry for everything which obliged you to take a prompt decision to discontinue our friendship.

Moumita, many times I have poured my love, my affection, my respect and appreciation on wrong persons, in wrong places. Still I don’t know whether you were a wrong person or wrong place. Whatever may be, I don’t mind. I like to explore and navigate in the world of friendship. You are just a conscious resident of that world.

I wish you all the best.

Zahid